Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Where is the Pause button?

Sometimes I am desperate for a pause button. I want to make everything stop and go crawl under my pillow and cry or either hop a flight to somewhere tropical and buy a margarita! Marriage and motherhood are sooooo incredibly rewarding and wonderful but sometimes they can be sooo incredibly and unbearably overwhelming. Most of the time one is better then the other! But when they are both making me feel like no matter what I do it isn't good enough, that's when I need to escape! When I can't make my husband happy and can't make my baby stop crying is when I want to trade lives with a true 21 year old college student who is making spring break plans with their besties! You know what I was doing on my spring break? BREASTFEEDING!
If only I would lean on Jesus more. It's not that I don't want to or don't trust Him. I just try to do it on my own. But then I end up going to the bathroom and just crying for 45 minutes wishing my nanny was still alive. His ways are so much better! The truth is that I can do nothing without Him and He gives me the ability to do everything that I can do! Being a wife and a mother at 21! I know I couldn't do it without Him so why do I try to during the toughest moments? I need to run to Him for serenity. I need to make Him my escape.
Lord, change my habits. I want you to be my Hiding Place away from the chaos that fills my life sometimes. I want YOU to be the One that dries my tears! I want YOU to be my margarita! I want my life to pause so that I can spend that much needed time with YOU!

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